he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
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Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
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