I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
