My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
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You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
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You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS