Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.