oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
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i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.