If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
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yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
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for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We need to get me chipped asap
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂