no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
