Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
