it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
