Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
