Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
