she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
