You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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