you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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