At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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