I must be too annoying 4 u.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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