drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
