Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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