And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
