Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
