im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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