Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I won't apologize to a one balled man
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
