hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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