we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
