Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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