it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
