Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
