I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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