I should be sponsored by Trojan
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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