he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
