Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
