In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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