Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
