I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
