so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
