You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
