I met the friendliest cop last night
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
