ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
