I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She bit a glass in half.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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