I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
