So drunk its hurt
He had one of those small greek statue penises
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
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I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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