We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
