that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
