ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
