HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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