worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
