Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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