My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
50% drunk capacity currently
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
