I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
