we made out on top of his cat.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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