I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
one might say we're banned from that church
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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