I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
bring money and cleavage
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
