That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You ruined the universe
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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