Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
