You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
