I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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