He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
