Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
