I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
True college students do jello shots in the library
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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