I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
