Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
