I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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