You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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