Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
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Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize