My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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