i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
