she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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