Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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