Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
