Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
