I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
